women

It’s personal

Posted on by Katie B

I find myself unable to sleep tonight, for reasons I can’t explain. I’ll try, however.

My whole life is coming together in a nice bundle that I can easily manage. School is going great, I’m tutoring public speaking in the fall, I’m TA-ing for a class in the spring, my apartment is coming together, family stuff is getting in order, I’m moving closer to a healthier me, and finally both of my jobs are going very well.  I’m advancing in ways I never knew I could. I’m building a stronger future for myself academically, professionally, and I’m building a stronger me.  I can finally see my whole future ahead of me and while that is slightly terrifying that I am growing up so fast, it is simultaneously exciting to see all the places I can go and all the people I can be laid out in front of me. Yesterday it feels like I was just walking across the stage to grab my high school diploma and today I find myself studying for the GRE and discussing grad schools with my professors. I am unbelievably proud of the person I have become, because seeing who I was as a freshmen or even a senior in high school compared to the person I am now, well let’s just say it is hard to see the similarities.

However, there are a few loose strings that I am still trying to gather, and it is one in particular that I find crossing my mind tonight making me restless. One person to be exact. One person in my whole world that is keeping me from getting a good nights rest before a long day of work. One person that I find myself unable to speak to for reasons I’ll leave up to your imagination. So how do I resolve a situation with a person that I am unable to speak to? How do I move on with my life without knowing what they are thinking? Everyday I see reminders of them. Sometimes, rarely, I’ll go a whole day without thinking of them and then suddenly. . . BAM! There they are scratching their way to the front of my focus. I feel a little lost when it comes to them. I honestly don’t know how I would act or what I would say even if I could talk to them. I wish I could forget they existed. I wish I could erase the time we had spent together, and erase the memories I have of them. Is that harsh? Probably, but this is not the first night I have found myself unable to sleep because of them. This is not the first night I have laid staring at the ceiling wondering about them. I am typically grateful for the people who come into my life, even if they leave under not so pleasant circumstances, because I can learn something from each person and each situation. I can build upon each relationship. Yet with this person I had found myself for several years not advancing, not retreating, just standing still. There was no growth, no deeper understanding of one another. If anything I am more confused than ever.

I don’t know what to do, and me being such an organized person that likes to keep her life in some kind of order, is having a hard time adjusting to this lack of communication thing. Communication is the foundation to resolve any conflict, to resolve any issue. But I just can’t speak to them. I can’t say what I really feel, which is a problem because I am a person who has a lot of feelings that I need to get out. I thought in the past that not talking, not communicating would help me heal and help me move on, but here I am awake at 4 AM confused and unsure about the situation. A situation I have to deal with on my own and on my own time. Ugh, maybe I’ll try to go to sleep again. Must be awake in two hours.

Maybe something will come to me in a dream.

Goodnight or Good morning wherever you are. Live well, and be kind.

Why women need to lower their expectations

Posted on by Katie B

We have all heard the argument that men have unattainable standards for women because of the women they see in magazines and movies and tv shows. All men see nowadays are drop dead gorgeous women with smooth hourglass figures, perky breasts, plump lips, and long luscious hair. How do we expect men to settle for the everyday women? Let’s be honest, we all think we look like gremlins next to women like Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, and Beyonce. After constantly seeing perfectly proportional women all day in the media, it is near impossible for the average woman to tie down a man.

However, there is one other reason less and less women are marrying these days. We too have unattainable standards for the men in our lives. Sure men have more leeway with the ladies, but honestly we are all expecting every man we come across to be the perfect Prince Charming. Whether that Prince is a Man bun Monday type of guy or a rich CEO. We, as women, expect men to be flawless. We want them to be strong, handy, resilient, sensitive, romantic, charming, a good cook, etc. The list really does go on and on. We expect men in our everyday lives to look like Chris Pratt, but that is just never going to happen. When this doesn’t happen and when men aren’t as charming or as smart as we would like, we are a little let down and disappointed.

I notice even myself judging men on a much higher scale than necessary. I have always dreamed of ending up with David Boreanaz; a real tall, patriotic, broad-shouldered, lion-hearted man with a chiseled jaw. Because of this dream I have set an impossible standard for the boys on my college campus. For the most part, we are all guilty of this.

So how do we fix this? Well it is exactly the same as how we are trying to push a more realistic standard of women in men’s minds. We need more regular Joe’s on magazine covers, starring in movies, and releasing albums! Overall we need more people in the media that look like you and me. We need to put a stop to only the stereotypical “pretty” people becoming famous. We need to change our mindset so that when we look at the men we see everyday we aren’t, like I said previously, let down.

My goal for myself – and you can give yourself the same goal or one similar – is to no longer expect anything from men other than that he respects me, and puts in the effort to communicate with me so that we can have a successful friendship or romantic relationship. I will strive to no longer look at a man and think “he is nice, but he is no David Boreanaz.” How will you begin to change your expectations?